This is gonzo politics and puzzlement. What goes for normal service will be resumed when the dizziness goes away. I’ve tried to be equally offensive to all sides here, because none of them comes out with great glory.
I’m wondering if someone’s put LSD in the water supply. It’s less than a month since some of us including me discovered the limits of our filter bubbles. It’s like waking up covered in engineer’s blue with a cow looking at you strangely and surrounded by Swiss guys in lederhosen and thinking “Eh? I only started out last night with three bottles of cider in Croydon”. There’s only one thing to do – invoke the spirit of Yeats
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
Vada a Bordo …Cazzo!
Where’s Gregorio Falco when you need him? Been less than a month since the referendum and we’ve discovered that Cameron is made of the same stern stuff as Francesco Schettino. Having run the ship aground trying to appease the headbangers in his party that lacked the spine to join UKIP he starts calling for Mummy and abandons his post as the ship is taking on water. We then see a string of effective knifings and backstabbings which end up with the last woman standing allocated the role of top dog, while loathsome Leadsom who asserted having children uniquely qualified her for the top job exits stage left at the eleventh hour, pursued by a bear, the press pack and her own folly of denying the evidence of a tape recorder. Beware the hermeneutic rule about the bullshit before the but, dear lady, you parse such sentences by crossing it all out from the beginning until the t of but…
Yes. I am sure Theresa will be really sad she doesn’t have children so I don’t want this to be ‘Andrea has children, Theresa hasn’t’ because I think that would be really horrible butgenuinely I feel that being a mum means you have a very real stake in the future of our country, a tangible stake. She possibly has nieces, nephews, lots of people, but I have children who are going to have children who will directly be a part of what happens next.”
Reproduction has been done since time immemorial with unskilled labour, and anyway, that’s not why we’d hire you to run the country, though I admire the swift decision to exit the kitchen due to an excess of heat. Next time feel the bloody door for heat before you open it, huh?
Back to the seminal question of the rabbit hole. Not only did I discover something about my fellow countrymen that I’d rather not have known, but okay, at least that’s opinions and like other parts of the anatomy we’ve all got one. It’s the succession of ghastly putative leaders in quick succession that did my head in:
the effete narcissist BoJo, motto “think only of yourself” and let the devil take the hindmost
cut down like a tree by the creepy wierdo Gove, who is apparently clever though he despises expertise in its many forms, frying pan, meet fire,
Leadsom’s self-immolation would have been entertaining if it hadn’t been for the real possibility of her trying to steer the ship off the rocks, presumably into a watery grave because she mistakes enthusiasm for ability. After all, Angela Merkel is child-free and appears to be a competent head of state, though perhaps not a competent head of the EU finance department…
Mind you, say what you like about the Tories, but at least they are efficient backstabbers. Her Majesty’s Opposition seems to be asleep at the switch in our hour of need. I never really did work out what their view was on Brexit, I had the feeling the bumbling fellow in charge was pretty much for it but didn’t really like to say so out loud and was press-ganged by his MPs to say the opposite. There’s no modulation or passion in his voice for what he was saying, this is not leadership, it is caretaking. This is a dude who couldn’t lead a fart out of a paper bag. Seeing all the backstabbing going on on t’other side Her Majesty’s Opposition figured they’ll have some of that too, but they don’t seem to be anywhere near as good at it. For heaven’s sake guys, if the party has to split then get on with it, the 2020 election is only four years away. If we get to have another one, that is…
I have the sort of feeling I imagine a cat would have after being through the tumble dryer, all fur standing on end and asking if it’s possible, pretty please, to get to know which way is up and for it to stay up for a week, that would be a nice start. Along with some answers to the general question WTF is going on round here, and did anyone have an answer to the vexed question of what happens next, you know, like a general plan of action? I guess that was David Camer
Schettino again, ready to take the risk but not own one of the binary options. Never ask binary questions if you don’t want to hear one of the answers, eh, Dave? Take another bow, WB Yeats –
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity
The slimy tosspot Nigel Farage as in garage who started it all off would quite like his life back, perhaps if you hadn’t been such a wanker in your last appearance as an MEP we might get a little bit of ours back too, but no, cocksure whazzock that you are, you hop skip and jump away from the mess you’ve created. Just as well, on second thoughts, though I suspect you’ll be back like dogshit on a shoe.
The internecine fighting ‘twixt the Brexit camps on immigration will be interesting, as it appears one group cares bigtime about stopping all that immigration malarkey and the other group doesn’t really give a toss, but just didn’t like the idea of Jean Claude Juncker running the show sovereignty yadda yadda but we would quite like to have access to the single market and the free movement of capital and goods. If free movement of people is still an essential part of the deal, well, at least you’ll still be able to get cheap nannies and plumbers in the Great Wen. Just none of those Johnny Foreigners telling us what to do, but it’s okay if we tell them what to do, what-ho, Jeeves? It’ll be interesting seeing them try to square that circle so the rich Brexiters get their cheap labour to keep London and the shires in the style they’ve been accustomed to while convincing the poor Brexiters who wanted a stop to their strawberry-picking jobs being stolen from under their noses that yes to stopping unskilled immigration really meant no, because what with the price of coffee going up we can’t really afford to pay more for our babysitters while we sashay around to the Chiltern Firehouse. My money’s on the metropolitan set winning the fight along the good old principle of follow the money. After all, BoJo let the cat out of the bag early on – if Britain is part of Europe and always will be than why pick the fight in the first place? There’s going to be hell to pay when the truth of his words come out, which is presumably why he was defenestrated PDQ.
In the meantime the numbers on the dials of my ISA holdings are spinning up while at the same time the dizzying feeling in the pit of my stomach tells me the lift/elevator is plunging to the ground. Normally you can say it’s been a good year if you unitise your portfolio and the numbers are up on last year by a decent percent, but this isn’t real. In the case of 2016/17 I think the report to shareholders of the Ermine Investment Trust will have to have a CEO statement roughly along the lines of
Dear Ermine Shareholders.
To be honest, while the numbers would normally be a cause to break out the champagne, we’re still trying to work out WTF happened. Your guess is as good as mine. And whatever it was, my gut doesn’t tell me it was good
Now of course Americans may well titter about such a delightfully British fail and I can’t really blame them. However, the same sort of forces mean there could be a Trump-ocalypse this November – I see IG are selling binaries of 25% at the moment. Maybe I should buy £10,000 of that, on the grounds that £30k should be able to buy me enough drink to make it look less bad for a couple of days even if the pound is roughly worth a Reichsmark by then. The world can easily afford to shrug off a collective brain fart of a minor offshore island and sort itself out. The same sort of thing on a continental scale, not so much. Maybe that will be the second shoe dropping of the Global Financial Crisis. I can run towards VWRL to get my capital out of the UK. But I can’t run from Trump – half VWRL is the US.
Still chin up eh, the bright side of the falling pound means you don’t have to be clever about what to do with the rest of your ISA allowance. Pretty much buy anything not overly dependent on the UK and it’ll have gone up by Christmas. Well, depending on the Big T I guess 😉 You never know, he may be the saviour of the tattered Great British Pound. Then the problem is dodging the blood and guts and the zombie hordes. Happy days indeed.